Hello.

On twitter @VitaeCurriculum

email me at curriculumvitiate@gmail.com

In Facebook too. now: http://www.facebook.com/BenedictLeGauche

Variously

“just ticking a box for jobseekers and deliberately projecting yourself as unemployable”

“marketed in a comedically cynical and indulgently ironic way”

“suffering from too much existential angst that you have painted yourself into a metaphorical corner of self loathing that sub-consciously undermines any chance of success by sabotaging any opportunity you may have for success”

“does not have any Property experience, which is crucial for this position”

“will spill sarcasm about your day work, and me, and what I asked you to do to whoever will hear you….”

“far, far too overqualified”

A couple of people suggested they might like to donate and since I’m to proud too have advertising on the site, but am so desperate that I will accept strangers’ money, this seems like a nice half-way house.

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  1. #1 by SARA STONEHAM on August 3, 2011 - 7:39 pm

    Enjoyed it. Good writing.

    • #2 by curriculum vitiate on August 4, 2011 - 9:49 am

      Thank you Sarah,

      I enjoyed your comment. Short. Effective.

      x x x

      • #3 by purvesjk on September 13, 2011 - 2:29 pm

        Who are you calling short?

  2. #4 by Guest on September 14, 2011 - 12:23 am

    hello,

    you rock in an infinite number of ways… I too hail from Manchester and attained a pointless degree in Drama WITH Creative Writing in 2005. The highlights of my life include being bullied out of a local government job I hated, crippling depression, failing in my attempt to secure a job I actually enjoy and most recently, hurting my back whilst maliciously sleeping in my bed and being unable to work at the job I have come to consider adequate for almost two months, this is why this post comes to you at 1am.. SSP is sadly not much more than JSA and I have found myself craving ANY work which I can do from the relative comfort of my own bed. I’m quite honestly not sure why I’m giving you all this info, apart from the fact that your blog made me smile in a way that Family Guy has failed to do over the past two weeks since discovering Project Free TV. I hope you find something which suits you but please remember that enough idiosyncrasies or “problems” as you might refer to them, can get you a terrific grant from various organisations to do pretty much whatever you want as long as you lay it out in a proposal. I wish I had a business as I’d hire you in about a second to write me speeches and to give motivational talks to disaffected youths but unfortunately I work for a corporation as an “agent” which means I answer phones and enter data all day… Luckily I once did a Improv at uni of that exact situation so I’m pretty damn good at customer service.

    Sincerely Yours,
    Guest – apologies that I’m not using my name, but you know how people get in the “real world” about things that you put online which sucks.

  3. #5 by Keith Cameron on December 4, 2011 - 6:17 pm

    Benedict: While reading your CV I actually had Coca-Cola coming out of my nose. Not that I actually manufacture (or warehouse) Coca-Cola or Coke products in my nose or related sinus cavities. The Coke came from my throat, as I was drinking a glass of it (Coke, not throat) when I began reading your CV and through some mystery of science the physical act of laughing out loud whist drinking can cause any fluids in ones throat to be propelled up the throat and expelled either through the mouth (the original point of entry) or the sinus, the nasal passages and ultimately the nose (something to do no doubt with the more Jurassic elements of our evolution). Now however as a result of that aforementioned episode (with the coke, not your CV) my sense of smell has been greatly reduced due to the burning action of the carbonic acid contained (ironically) in what is sold over the counter world wide as a ‘soft drink’. I can now look forward to enduring even the vilest exhibitions of flatuance without missing so much as a beat, which is beneficial as I consume great quantities of pinto beans because as an unemployed person I haven’t the money to splurge of high-tone fare. Thank you.

    PS. Oh, yeah, great CV.

    • #6 by curriculum vitiate on December 5, 2011 - 1:16 pm

      LIKE.

    • #7 by All Pinky No Brain on June 13, 2013 - 1:20 pm

      ” laughing out loud whist drinking can cause any fluids in ones throat to be propelled up the throat and expelled either through the mouth (the original point of entry) or the sinus”

      – you appear to have found a cure for drowning.

  4. #8 by Iain on December 5, 2011 - 12:55 am

    I’d employ you straight away… but then, this may be one of the very many reasons why I don’t own my own business…

  5. #9 by Russ on December 5, 2011 - 5:14 pm

    Dear Benedict. I too would employ you if I had a business. And together we would laugh as the bailiffs came in and removed everything we ever worked for.

  6. #10 by Phillip Dews on December 7, 2011 - 4:18 pm

    Loving this Blog Benedict, I can forsee this taking off big time buddy! At the time of writing this I have not actually read your CV but just loved all the responses. So to a little advice before it does take off and that you should monetize this blog with google adsence as i feel yo will be getting a lot of traffic coming here.
    Kind Regards

    -Phillip Dews

    • #11 by Joe Turner on December 8, 2011 - 7:19 pm

      I have not actually read your CV

      Just a little friendly advice: HOW ABOUT READING THE BLOG YOU ARE COMMENTING ON YOU MORON.

  7. #12 by Sarah on December 7, 2011 - 4:58 pm

    If only I could employ you to write the little summaries for job adverts. It would make job hunting much more fun and it would be great to know what we were actually getting into.

  8. #13 by benedict blayney on December 13, 2011 - 7:22 pm

    Agreed with above, you could make something from this, im sure theres some way you can make a living from your witty and amusing yet bleak and realistic attitude… Oh and I think you should at least put advertisments up and make some money.. anyway good luck and keep it up 🙂

    PS. Particularly loved your section on the interview
    PPS I would donate but I am unable to as I have no money and no job… but this is only because I am still at school
    PPPS? I think youre the only other person I know of called benedict! (besides the pope, who I loathe for many reasons..)

    • #14 by curriculum vitiate on December 16, 2011 - 9:32 am

      Thanks Benedict!

      No adverts though, I just can’t do adverts.

      What’s up with the pope?

      Benedict.

  9. #15 by Lisa on December 15, 2011 - 1:36 am

    Loved your CV – great writing. I’d give you a job if they let me do that sort of thing…..

  10. #16 by Lisa on December 15, 2011 - 4:18 pm

    Great writing. I’d give you a job here in the States if I was allowed to do that sort of thing……

  11. #18 by protoplasmtango on January 31, 2012 - 11:16 am

    In the dual unlikely events that anyone ever let me employ people and you were to apply for a job at such an organisation, I’d break every rule in the book to hire you. But don’t go getting your meagre hopes up.
    I blame philosophy, because we all know that employers ‘want someone who can think’. They then soil their polyester-blend suits at the mere sight of someone trained to do so.
    My second-most recent rejection was for the magnificent reason that I was ‘good at ideas’. I think I should include that on my own CV, so I can rest safe in the knowledge that I’ll never score a job again.

  12. #19 by Suzie on October 17, 2012 - 6:04 pm

    Heading off to a day-long assessment for a graduate job myself tomorrow, so this site was an absolute breath of fresh air. It also distracted me from researching the place I’m interviewing at, however, and so was in one sense, very unhelpful. It did make me feel happy, however, and in that respect I suppose I ought to be grateful.

    Thank you for telling it like it is.

  13. #20 by Phillip :-) on January 21, 2015 - 10:13 am

    ” I’m to proud too have advertising on the site” ? I take it that this is a typographical error, since the holder of a Grade C ‘A’ level in English wouldn’t write that deliberately …

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