There’s not a great deal going on at the moment so in an attempt to keep you interested I’m going to show you an old one that was so silly that I didn’t think it fit for consumption. Bear this in mind.
Sometimes I’ll apply for a job on the name of the job alone. In this case, for example, I liked the equation.
Sounds FUN doesn’t it? I applied. I’m very fast at applying now. I think I can apply for a job as fast as a recruiter can cut-and-paste a rejection email together. And that is FAST. I got the inevitable email back:
I had an interview!
Now I’ve been told that it is best to research the company that you are about to work for before you begin working for them: WMST Ltd is a “leading below-the-line direct marketing specialist”. I do not know what that means. I imagine ‘below the line’ is akin to ‘below the belt’ and that such a marketing strategy must be fuelled on the phrase ‘fuck’em where they live’ or a somesuch. They have a nice blue world for their logo that exaggerates the size of Africa: I thought about whether I could conscionably sell For Him Magazine. I thought about whether Kirsten had actually read the cv. I thought about Danniii. I thought about whether I could work for a company that exaggerated the size of Africa. I thought about whether a day trip to Reading might not break up the week a little bit:
Now before you say anything I felt so bad about the whole homosexual jibe and so uncomfortable about sharing it that I started counting all my gay friends on facebook* – in the classically fallacious ‘some of my best friends are…’ argument – to be wheeled OUT in case of trial (I’ve got gay friends, haven’t I Pete? Though having said that Pete when I invited myself round to dinner at your house in an attempt to push our friendship beyond the boundaries of the workplace you claimed that you never entertained at your house when I know that you’ve had Adam and Rob round for dinner and I know you make a mean slow-roasted pork because you’re always talking about it – why can’t I come round Pete?).
I knew this – the listing of gay people I know – would never be enough. A gesture was called for:
Not that I think I can buy an slur from the internet, no sir, but because it was the right thing to do.
*out of 293 friends on facebook 31 (10.58%) are confirmed homosexuals whilst a further 11 are suspected. Note that even ignoring the suspected cases I’m averaging (just) above the much vaunted 1/10.
THERE WAS NO INTERVIEW
On to TWELVE?