Hello, there, you.
Ever told the truth on your CV?
I’ve been dragging an employment history littered with insubordination, petty acts of rebellion and a devil-may-care attitude toward punctuality to the doors of employers across the globe in an increasingly desperate attempt to secure gainful, fulfilling and – crucially – monetarily rewarding employment.
So far it is going badly.
I think because the CV is 99% truth.
It looks like this:
****** THE CV CAN NOW BE FOUND IN THE TAB ABOVE******
I’ve applied for some four hundred jobs with the CV but responses have been thin on the ground. Some quotes from the few responses I have had:
“It’ll take a certain type of person to appreciate your approach”
“ you have painted yourself into a metaphorical corner of self loathing that sub-consciously undermines any chance of success by sabotaging any opportunity you may have for success”
“ Sarcasm and irony are not part of American culture”
I have some exciting meetings scheduled with recruiters though, and hope to have some good news for you soon. Also, reader, if you have any suggestions as to how I can better put myself across to employers (I am always looking to improve and have already cut a line about clandestine masturbation in the workplace) then I am all ears.